The Ultimate Guide to Perfect Roast Potatoes: Because Christmas Dinner Fame Awaits - So Good Everyone Will Love You

Ah, Christmas is coming. You've sorted the presents, planned the festivities, and somehow got nominated as the chef for the big day. While most of the meal might be under control, there's one dish that can make or break your culinary reputation – the roast potato. Whether you're a kitchen novice or a seasoned pro, we've got your back. We want you to be the toast of that Christmas table, not the one whose roasties get politely pushed around the plate.

Potatoes. The humble spud. The culinary chameleon that's perfect mashed, boiled, or chipped. Yet, one cooking method rises high above the others, turning this modest tuber into a royal feast: the roasted potato.

Few things can surpass the majesty of a perfectly roasted potato. A roast potato can transform any meal into a gastronomic spectacle. An exterior so crunchy it sounds like applause when you take a bite, an interior so fluffy it could double as a cloud - nothing else on your plate will be able to compete.

As the King Midas of the kitchen, you'll soon have the power to turn humble potatoes into edible gold. But how the f&%k do you cook the perfect roastie without looking like an amateur? We've come to your rescue again – I know, I know, what the hell would you do without us, eh?

Step 1: Choose Your Potato Wisely

Choosing the right potato is crucial, yeah that's right, horses for courses, or potatoes for certain dishes (Rick Stein and Gordon Ramsay know this, that's why they excel at chippies).

You want a potato with high starch content to achieve the optimum fluffy inside-crunchy outside ratio. Russets or Maris Pipers are great options, but honestly, any potato that looks like it was bullied in high school for being too starchy will do the job.

Step 2: Prep Work - Cut, Boil, and Shake

First, peel your spuds. Cut larger ones into chunks about the size of a golf ball. Smaller potatoes can be halved. Remember, this is not potato surgery, the sizes don't have to be identical.

Next, the potatoes need a good boiling. This isn't just a hot bath for your potatoes, but a step that kickstarts their transformation into a culinary orgasm. Parboil them for about 10 minutes until they're starting to soften at the edges.

Then comes the most fun part of the process - the shake. Drain your potatoes, return them to the pot, and give them a good shake. Go ahead, unleash your inner Shakira - your hips don't lie and neither do these spuds. This roughing up is crucial because it creates the rough edges that will crisp up and become the glorious golden crust in the oven. And this is sooo important: let them cool down so that you don't see any steam coming off them before you bang them in the oven.

Step 3: The Fat Dance - Choose Your Oil

It's time to decide which fats your potatoes are going to dance with. Olive oil? Classic. Butter? Deliciously naughty. Goose or duck fat? Now you're playing in the big leagues but may bring on that heart spasm a bit quicker.

Whichever you choose, ensure your potatoes are well-coated, but not swimming like they're on a fat vacation in the Bahamas. Season generously with salt. Remember, the potato is a blank canvas, and salt is your paint. (For the adventurers, add some dried mixed herbs and garlic powder. I always add a dash and sprinkle of balsamic vinegar – you can do all this when they're on the oven dish before you put them in).

Step 4: Heat Things Up - Roast Time

Now, here's the real Christmas dinner pro tip: timing is everything, especially if you've only got one oven. While these beauties are ideally cooked at a searing 200°C (around 400°F), Christmas reality might demand some compromise.

If you're cooking a turkey, chicken, or that lovely side of beef, you'll need to adapt. Here's the secret: pop the potatoes in at the same time as your meat, even though the oven temperature will be lower (the same temp for your meat). The trade-off? Give them extra time – if the recipe says 45 minutes, plan for at least an hour or more. Trust me, it works.

For those blessed with two ovens, stick to the classic method: 200°C for about 45 minutes to an hour, turning them a few times during cooking to ensure that beautiful golden tan is even.

Step 5: The Final Touch - Season

Once your potatoes are bronzed to perfection, take them out and drain them on kitchen paper.

Season one last time while they're hot. Throw in some more herbs, black pepper, rosemary and garlic for an aromatic spin, or some smoked paprika for a bit of a kick. Remember, these are your potatoes. No one else can tell you how to live your life.

And there you have it - the secret to perfect roast potatoes.

So, next time you have a dinner party (or that all-important Christmas feast), be prepared for your guests to weep tears of joy and shower you with praise over these delectable golden nuggets. Your roast potatoes will be more than just a side dish - they'll steal the show, leaving your main course green with envy.

But let's not forget about the other important aspect of roast potatoes: leftovers. Though, who are we kidding? With spuds this good, leftovers are about as rare as a unicorn riding a bicycle.

Cooking roasties with the right care can transform your spud from a plain old tuber to a culinary star. In the words of a certain ogre, potatoes are like onions. They have layers. And once you've unlocked the secret to perfect roast potatoes, there'll be no turning back (plus they are tummy fillers and cheap as chips).

Don't just make roast potatoes. Create a masterpiece. Give those humble spuds the royal treatment they deserve. Because nothing says 'I love you' or 'I'm sorry for accidentally putting your favourite shirt in the dryer' like a tray of golden, crispy, perfectly roasted potatoes. And remember, a roast potato is not just for Christmas, but for life.

Happy roasting and Bon appétit!

Disclaimer: If they don't love you, it ain't our fault!